Positive quote of the day

Passing of a neighbour

My neighbour recently died, she took an overdose of heroin, whilst we can’t decide if this was a suicide attempt or just a relapse from drugs, its safe to say it was sudden and we all became distraught and shocked.

She shares the name with one of my friends who committed suicide back in 2012. when i heared the news I was distraught,  shocked, numb all i kept imagining was her cold, lifeless body laying dead on a slab. not the way i wanted to remember her, the vibrant bubbly caring girl who often got on my nerves 😉 (sorry Ella).

Unable to attend her funeral, i started having the thoughts I was having again, the thoughts i was starting t get away from. The day after her funeral, i don’t really remember it much, I was cooking pasta and talking to some people in a support chat about how I needed my medication which I’d left at home (I was on holiday) and the next I recall is a police going through my stuff in the back of an ambulance, not entirley sure what happened, how the police got involved or how i was in an ambulance.

The next is all blury, i don’t remember going to hospital, which apaprently i did cause i’d been on a drip, had an endoscopy and other ‘checks and routines’ done, the next thing i remember is being told “Emily, we’re detaining you under section 2 of the Mental Health act” where i was to be admitted back to a pyschriatic unit.

Whilst in the Unit I had my antipyschotic medication doubled, My mood stabalisers re-started, i was so “drugged up” all i kept thinking about was Ella and how she’d died from drugs. I spent the majority of the time on the ward under 121s. The nurses became concerned for my safety and decided i needed to be constantly watched. Even in the shower and on the toilet, a little embarassing.

I miss Ella dearly, the place is really quiet without her, whenever i walk down the stairs i expect to hear her chirpy voice, and on wednesdays her knocking on my door asking if we’re going to cinemas. I’ll never understand why she did what she did, all I know is she was struggling..and now she’s gone..

I’ll never forget her, its too hard too

Goodbye my love..

See you shortly.